Fasten your seatbelts and ground yourselves, dear Critters, for we are about to embark on quite the crash landing. That’s right, we are engaging our distress beacons and plummeting straight toward Will Smith and M. Night Shyamalan’s planet-sized catastrophe, After Earth.

Do you despise this movie? In which case, you have found your sanctuary. We’re serving up a healthy balance of unfiltered hate and outright absurdity that will leave you feeling more satisfied than an Ursa at an empath convention.

Join Amber as she attempts to ‘ghost’ her own cravings, contemplating whether a static-laden Life Suit is the ultimate solution to her current dietary quarrels. Ad, meanwhile, keeps his pyrotechnic skullduggery to a minimum this week. Instead, he dreams up a new service that is as erotic as it is lucrative. Bailey, on the other hand, has visions of a Life Suit modification that might be a social miracle for the gang, even if it risks rendering one of Ad’s special abilities well and truly redundant.

Survived the fateful landing? Then race through the ⁠Instagram⁠ jungle, climb the ⁠TikTok⁠ volcano, and hit that emergency beacon to signal rescue from the ⁠Discord⁠ dropship, where you’ll be well and truly safe from Big Willie’s weekend madness.